Great Read # 1 for the Bride and Groom -
What is the most powerful motivation for a woman in her marriage? For a man?
Here’s my thoughts on a book that has a great answer to that question!
I don’t just photograph weddings because I like gowns and flowers and cake (although Bryan and I do love cake!)…I truly am crazy about Marriage (as you probably already guessed) – I think it is the single most important relationship you will ever have, and I can’t tell you enough how my heart desires to help my brides and grooms have the best, strongest, and most incredible marriage possible. I enjoy hearing their story and sharing in their wedding day as I photograph the Wedding Ceremony and Reception. But, the wedding day is just the beginning of what is in store for a bride and groom.
So, with our upcoming 5th Anniversary, I will be sharing with you a few of the most beneficial books that helped us start our marriage out on a more solid foundation. First of all, I do not want you to think we know the perfect recipe for a happy and perfect marriage…everyday is a day to learn more about growing together in our marriage, and learning to be a better spouse for each other- and our journey has only just begun! But this book and the others I will write about have truly been a blessing and major help in what we have as husband and wife – which is why it is on my recommendation list for all.
Don’t disregard this book as a typical marriage book by its title – the message is pretty profound, even for those who have heard the cliche’ before. Women, brides, wives, if you think all your man is looking for is that you genuinely love him, you must read this book! If you think your man only should have your respect if and when he deserves your respect – YOU MUST READ and consider, and even TRY the points in this book!
I think the best way to introduce the author and his concepts is by this quote from Dr. Eggerich’s website:
“We believe love best motivates a woman and respect most powerfully motivates a man. Research reveals that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved. We asked 7,000 people this question: when you are in a conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved or disrespected? 83% of the men said “disrespected.” 72% of the women said, “unloved.” Though we all need love and respect equally, the felt need differs during conflict, and this difference is as different as pink is from blue!” – Loveandrespect.com
The first book I cannot write enough about is “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Bryan and I were given this book and workbook as a wedding present, but we didn’t pick it up until one of our “arguing that first year of marriage” tense moments. I am so glad it was in our home when we needed it, and I believe it has been the SINGLE MOST BENEFICIAL READING for our marriage. I wanted to let you all know because it meant so much to the two of us, I know it will only help anyone who will listen. If you are super interested – Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah speak frequently at conferences all over! Although there are none scheduled this year for Alaska, there are some coming up in Washington sate. By the way, as you read some of the examples in this book, keep three things in mind:
a) You don’t have to force your love to read it…while 2 people pursuing relationship enriching wisdom is extremely beneficial, the points, mindsets and techniques in this book can be successful with just one individual understanding and making a choice to follow the techniques in this book.
b) This can and has SAVED a failing marriage..You will read examples of individuals who refused to let their marriage fail without trying everything possible, and by reading and following the points in this book, were able to win their spouse back over and strengthen their marriage.
c) The message in this book is written by a Christian author, but the techniques work for anyone and are proven. Give them a try and see if your relationship doesn’t benefit!
I have changed my whole approach to respecting Bryan and he has changed his approach to loving me, and it has done wonders for our marriage! It is a daily challenge, because, as you will find – these techniques aren’t natural, we have to learn HOW to provide what our spouse needs. Dr. Eggerichs describes what he calls “The Crazy Cycle” that we experience that can cause our resentment of our spouse to cause us to act disrespectful or unloving towards them, which causes them to act disrespectful or unloving towards us, which fuels our fire more, and so on. This truth that we can find hope in that this book is centered around is found in the Bible in the book of Ephesians (Ephesians 5:33):
“Husbands must love their wives and wives must respect their husbands.”
So there you have it! Please let me know if you decide to check it out! I really hope it will help you and your relationships!